RvB: What's Shame?
by AuthorDude99
Summary: A young writer from Washington tries make sure he didn't waste his time on, so he writes this coke-infused adventure of a one-shot called "What's Shame?". Oh wait, that's my reason for making this. The story summery is "Tucker filmed Tex and Sister while they were having sex. Antics ensue."


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Red Vs Blue. If I did, it would be awesome.  
**_

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It was pretty much a standard day in the Blue base. Wash was watching Church do a successful impression of a Stormtrooper's firing skills on Caboose, Tucker was off having sex with a rock or something like that, and the only women in Valhalla, Sister and Tex, were trying to extinguish their stupid friends unattended pastries that were in the oven to long, thanks to Church's display of macho. That is, until Tucker came in with a laptop and his codpiece a little tighter than normal.

"Guys, I think I found the answer to our financial problems," the Blue soldier said with confidence.

"Tucker, we don't have financial problems because we have no money in the first place," Church said as he reloaded his sniper with the last of his ammo, "And how do you have a laptop?"

"Have you ever heard of the blackmarket?" Tucker asked as he set down the laptop.

This caught the attention of Wash. "The blackmarket?" he asked in reaction, "You sold military equipment to the underworld?!"

"Hold your tits, Wash; I didn't do do anything of the sort!" Tucker said defensively, "I sold lesbian porn." And so he lifted the laptop screen and revealed a video of Tex and Sister screwing like jackrabbits.

"What'd you say?" Sister said as she and her partner in crime entered from the kitchen once they were done with what they were doing in there. Then they saw the video.

"What the fuck!?" Tex said in great surprise, "Where did this come from?" It took her about one second before jumping to the logically conclusion and pulled her gun at the teal Spartan. "Come here, you fuck!" She said as a battle cry and took chase when he ran.

"Oh, shit!" Tucker scream over the gunshots.

This left Caboose, Church, Sister and Wash left in the base with a video that defiantly shouldn't be view by families.

"Church, is that how babies are made?" Caboose asked about the video.

After a brief pause, Church answered "Yeah, pretty much," in a sigh.

"You know," Wash interjected, "We can make money from this."

"Like you would know," Church scoffed with an eye roll.

Immediately, Wash recalled when he used an iPhone to record South and CT having sex in the showers. "No, I guess not," he said.

It was then a question struck Sister: "What did Tucker sell for the laptop?"

Tucker quickly answered from outside the base. "My soul to the Devil!"

"Oh, tell the truth!" Wash and Church said at the same time.

Then Miles Luna was there. "Oh, he's telling the truth. I should know; I'm the Devil. See?" He snapped his fingers and caused the laptop to play Red Vs. Blue Season 13.

"Oh, my God!" Wash screamed with the others in agony, "The horror, the horror!"

It was then Tex saw what was happening. She could not stand by as people suffered the inhumanity of such raw character assassination, stupidity, and fail. "Alright, you cockbiting fucktard," she said as she cracked her knuckles, "It's lunch time and the special is a Bloody Knuckle Sandwick!"

"Oh, fuck," Miles Luna said as his trousers filled with excrement. It was then that Tex punch Miles Luna, the Devil, so hard that his head flew off his body and crashed into the wall, turning to dust and killing him instantly.

"My hero!" Sister cheered as she jumped across the room to land on her black clad savior.

"That didn't seem physically possible!" Cried Wash as his eyes were the size of golf balls on steroids.

"Well, you don't know Tex," Church said, "She defines what's physically possible!"

* * *

 _Meanwhile, in some icy armpit..._

"I'm looking for you, Tex!" Shouted Carolina as she was surrounded by the wolf pack she called her friends for the past however long. "I will find you!"

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 _ **Author's note: I started work on this a while back, but I kept getting sidetracked by myself. Part of this was inspired by my fan-fiction, another from my own personal views, and finally on something on Tumblr. Recently, I found it and just wanted to finish this, so I cobbled together something that sounds like I thought of it while being as high as a kite, but I wasn't. All in all, at least it's short, which keeps the oddness to a minimum.**_

 _ **Well, that's all from me. Don't feed the trolls, and I'll see ya later, lovelies!**_


End file.
